Cremation vs. Burial… What’s Right For You?

One of the biggest decisions of your final arrangements is the question of cremation vs. burial. It’s an important choice because it affects every aspect of your arrangements. It’s also an entirely personal choice and in California you have the right to make your own arrangements, to be sure they come out exactly as you wish.

Some primary concerns when making the choice of cremation vs. burial are cost, religious rules, and family traditions. I also hear folks discussing environmental concerns.

Lets start with cremations. Cremation costs less than a funeral right now. Prices vary all over the country but I see basic cremations ranging anywhere from $900 to $1,200 in California. I suspect this will change because there is a growing trend towards cremation. According to the Roseville and Granite Bay Press Tribune the cremation rate for the United States is currently 43.5%. It’s been forecasted that the U.S. will reach a 50% cremation rate by 2018. Here in California the cremation rate is all ready at 50%. Forward thinking funeral directors will increase their cremation pricing in the future to compensate for this, to make up for earnings they would have gotten from burials. Prices always seem to increase for everything, that’s as inevitable as death and taxes.

Your religion or spirituality may have enormous impact on your choice to cremate or bury. Some religions simply forbid cremation like Islam, Eastern Orthodox Christianity and certain fundamental Christian groups. The Roman Catholic Church only recently allowed cremations. If you’re very religious chances are you know your religious position on final disposition. If you’re not religious but your family is, you may want to discuss their feelings before starting your pre-need arrangement. But remember, ultimately the decision is yours.

Family traditions have less impact on your choice to cremate or bury than they once did. Years ago families were buried in family plots. Family cemeteries were kept for generations. Our culture doesn’t promote this anymore. (I believe this is because we are more mobile and also because infant mortality is much lower in the U.S. than it was back in those days.) If your family does have a family plot, you should go check that out before making your decision. But really, even if your family maintains it’s own cemetery you could certainly place your inurned remains there.

Most folks have a misunderstanding about cremation and the environment. People don’t realize that the cremation chamber (retort) will have to be kept around 1800 degrees F, for a couple hours using natural gas. Then there is smoke and ash put into the air. Last is the final disposition of the cremated remains which can end up in water sources or the ocean. (It is absolutely illegal to dispose of remains in a stream, lake etc. in California! Don’t do it!)

Finally, cremations are irreversible. Remains are completely destroyed. Should there be a question in the future about your cause of death or a future way to do important DNA research, say to cure disease in your grandchild for example, that your remains would be needed for… oh well. They’re just ashes now.

On now to burials. They can cost a great deal more. I see burials ranging from $2000 to $12,000 online, and that’s before paying cemetery costs to purchase, open and close a grave, or memorial stone purchase and placement. The difference, though, is that with a burial in a cemetery there is a guaranteed location for your remains. Forever. Friends can come reflect and future generations can come visit or do genealogy research. It also means that your remains are not destroyed, should the need for future research arise.

Some folks find peace of mind knowing their exact resting place for eternity, as opposed to being ashes tossed into the wind. Or maintained well for a few years and then who-knows-what could happen to them.

Aside from Hindu funerals, burials are generally accepted by most of the major religions in the States. If your religious, cultural or family traditions require burial it does become a preferable choice.

Environmentally, I don’t believe burials have an entirely negative effect. Decomposition is a natural, necessary process that occurs to all organic matter sooner or later. If you are deeply concerned about environmental issues you should check out green burials, a new idea in California. Green cemeteries accept un-embalmed remains in caskets that are easily reclaimed by the earth.

In the end, the question of burial vs. cremation is one only you can answer for yourself. I hope this post gives readers a starting point for thought or discussion with their families.


Funeral Etiquette: Is it okay to share funeral pictures on Facebook?

This funeral is making waves on social media:

Mom Shares Photo of Her Husband’s Open Casket to Show the Realities of Drug Abuse

Funeral etiquette varies from place to place, from culture to culture, and it even varies within the sects of individual religions. Funeral etiquette can change rapidly too. Just within the last century professional embalming has changed the entire funeral process. In our media focused culture, it isn’t surprising that someone would post funeral pictures on social media. What is shocking about this photo is the smiling faces on herself and the children. That’s what offends people.

According to the article Eva Holland in Ohio says she is trying to make a statement about the realities of drug addiction. She shared a photo of herself and her children beside her husband’s open casket, smiling. Since she posted the pic it has been shared more than 250,000 times as of 9/16/2015. Some viewers have commented that she is brave for posting it. Others are upset at the idea.

I do think this is an awkward memory to make and share, your smiling face at a family member’s casket. It does lead to the idea that you’re happy he’s passed away. I’m sure someone out there is going to make a snarky comment about insurance money. And I’m not entirely sure the grinning faces do anything for her message that addiction leads to tragedy. There’s nothing tragic looking about the pic. They look pretty happy.

While this instance is a little off-putting I don’t think there’s anything wrong with funeral photos on social media. Assuming the pics are tasteful and respectful. But that leads to the question, would you want a picture of your deceased self floating around social media? Personally, if the embalmer did a good job and I look gorgeous, I don’t think I’d mind. But please no smiling.

Why You Should Plan Your Own Funeral

People put off funeral planning. I don’t know why. I suppose it’s because we fear death and we fear the unknown. We are reluctant to face our own mortality. If you ask people about their final wishes, the number one response is an uneasy “I don’t want to think about it.”

But no matter your age or health or financial situation, you should make some plans. None of us are immortal. You will save your family a lot of stress, paperwork and money, during a really difficult time.  Unexpected deaths cause the most upheaval in a family, not just because the family is full of surprised grief and shock, but also because the family must attempt to put together an appropriate funeral. A funeral that would be “how he/she would’ve wanted it”.

I’ve read a lot of other web sites that go on about how difficult funeral planning is. One person compared it to planning a big wedding. Frankly, it’s not that difficult. Sure, you’ll have to make some challenging choices… cremation vs. burial, scattering remains vs. placement, which cemetery, which casket etc. These can all be tough choices. But would you rather lay out your ideas in black and white, or force your family to make these decisions in your stead?

Just choose a funeral establishment you trust. Perhaps it’s a place you’ve been before to attend a service. Check out their licensing before you make an appointment. Here in California the Cemetery and Funeral Bureau offers an online tool to check the license status of Funeral Directors and Funeral Homes.  You can search by business name and individual director name. Make sure their license is clear and their history is free of any criminal charges. Then make an appointment. It’s really that easy. You don’t have to pre-pay or even sign a contract at all. It’s entirely up to you.

And that’s the therapeutic part of funeral planning. It really is ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. Few things in our lives can be so thoroughly controlled. Take joy in the options available, and select the things that represent YOU best. If you go about planning your funeral with the right mindset, you’ll find it to be stress relieving, not stress inducing. Best of all, once it’s done you no longer have that uneasy feeling of “I don’t want to think about it”.

Inspiration & Tone

The inspiration for a funeral business blog came to me about six months ago when I was studying for the California funeral director exam. I was researching cremation technology and stumbled onto some really excellent blogs and articles. I decided a blog would be a super addition to my own professional development in the death care industry. More importantly I hope to address some of the common questions I get as a budding funeral director in Lake Isabella, CA. This way everyone can get answers to questions about the funeral business and funeral situations.

Most folks have some of the same general questions regarding final wishes, whether discussing their own or the final wishes of a loved one. People have questions about costs, payment methods, insurance situations and paperwork to name a few. Others want to know about unique memorial service ideas, and a rare few (myself included) are very interested in the details of  death care. “Like, what exactly is in embalming fluid anyways?” I plan on addressing these sorts of topics and many others with this publication.

I pondered this blog for a long time before launching it. I searched and researched, I read and re-read content of all kinds; especially funeral industry blogs written by other directors (like Confessions of a Funeral Director by Caleb Wilde  and Little Miss Funeral) and other funeral home staff. I’m hoping to address some common issues faced by grieving families and to present some fascinating historical funeral topics. Readers are welcome to leave comments and questions. Due to the nature of my business comments must be respectful towards individuals and towards death itself. Name calling, spamming, disrespect for deceased individuals just won’t be tolerated.

Oh, and one last thing. The nature of this blog is largely entertaining and just a bit educational. You should note that mortuary science is indeed a science, like any other. Over time research changes, technology adapts and scientific information I post today might not be valid in 5 years. The same goes for legal information, like contract law, which is a daily topic in the mortuary field. Laws change all the time. So if you’re using this blog and find a law cited or a study cited, please do your own “due diligence” regarding research. I make no claims that information I publish will be forever “legal” or ” scientifically accurate”, this blog is strictly for entertainment. Did I just sneak a disclaimer in here? Nice!